From Self-Doubt to Embodied Leadership | Ep. 1

Episode Summary

In this debut episode, host Jen Aks lays out the heart and soul of Wisdom From Within — a podcast where human stories awaken the leader within you. Jen shares her deeply personal journey from decades of debilitating self-doubt, rooted in a school system that valued only one kind of intelligence, to a profound awakening that changed everything. She introduces the concept of bodyset alongside mindset, explores the science behind gesture and the nervous system, and outlines her mission to restore innate intelligence in every listener.

What You’ll Learn

• Why so many people tie their self-worth to standardized test scores — and why that’s a flawed measure of intelligence

• The difference between kinesthetic, emotional, and somatic intelligence — and how to recognize yours

• How Jen discovered ‘the power of gesture’ through her Zoom sessions during the COVID-19 pandemic

• The neuroscience behind the hand-brain connection: ~40,000 nerve endings on a feedback loop with the brain

• Why the body expands when we feel confident and contracts when we feel fear — and how to use that

• What ‘bodyset’ means and why it’s just as essential as mindset

• What it means to lead from the inside out

Key Concepts Introduced

• Multiple Intelligences — inspired by Harvard researchers and psychologists

• Kinesthetic Learning — learning through the body and movement

• The Power of Gesture — a practice using hand gesture to shift emotional states

• Bodyset — the body’s wisdom as a complement to mindset

• Expansion vs. Contraction — a universal language of gesture that reflects our inner state

Guest / Resources Mentioned

• Howard Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences (referenced indirectly via professor introduction)

• Arts-integrated curriculum organization in New York City (teaching children through dance, poetry, and music)

• John F. Kennedy Jr. — referenced as part of Jen’s personal story

Quotes From This Episode

“I was so hijacked out of the truth of me.”

“There is no better leadership than leading from the inside out.”

“Your body knows your truth. Your body knows more, and before, your mind does.”

“You are not alone. You are smart. You are worthy. You have so much value.”

“Struggle is good on many levels because it can teach us so many things.” 

CHAPTERS

00:01:00 – The Journey of Awakening

00:02:30 – Defining Intelligence

00:04:00 – The Impact of Standardized Testing

00:06:30 – Living with Self-Doubt

00:08:00 – A Defining Moment

00:10:30 – The Turning Point

00:12:00 – Discovering Multiple Intelligences

00:14:30 – Empowering Learning Methods

00:16:00 – Teaching Through the Arts

00:18:30 – The Mission to Empower

00:20:00 – Adapting to COVID-19

00:22:00 – The Power of Gesture

00:24:00 – The Science Behind Gesture

00:26:00 – Introducing Bodyset

00:27:30 – Closing Thoughts and Invitation

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Wisdom From Within podcast. My name is Jen Axe, and I am your host. This is where mindset meets bodyset, where we access both so that we can make the most genuine, authentic, empowered impact on those we love and those we serve. Let's get started. Hello and welcome. Welcome to the Wisdom from Within podcast. My name is Jen X, and I'm thrilled that you are here. And truly, I am so grateful. I'm grateful that something pulled you in, that something resonated, because I am extremely passionate about my mission, which is to awaken you and remind you of the intelligence, of the worthiness, of the value that rests within you. And I'm going to tell you why I'm so passionate. It really comes from my own personal struggle and journey. But before I say that, I want to tell you that I can't believe I'm here, actually, that I'm sitting here and I'm about to go into this whole thing. And I'm like, wow, I've created this podcast for you. And I never really thought that I would do a podcast. I've done this kind of work in different iterations for several decades now. I've been a teacher, a dance educator. I have facilitated many workshops and spoken on stages, but the podcast route wasn't in clear view, but it has become in clear view because I realize how deeply important this message is. And lately, over the last year, I've had so many conversations with people because I have started to reveal my own story and my struggle. And when I started doing that, so many people started joining the conversation, saying, Me too. And that's when I realized we need to come together and we need to show each other that we're not alone and that we are strong and we are capable and we are wise and intelligent. We are all of us innately that. So let me explain because my struggle and the pain and the depth of question about who I am for so many years and my lack of worthiness and self-doubt about the possibilities within me and my voice and my strengths, I doubted all of it. And as a result, I lived with debilitating self-doubt. So it started when I was in school in those traditional classrooms where all those desks were like lined up exactly right, and the teacher at the front of the classroom teaching out of a textbook with a lot of words and a lot of numbers. Everything was taught in this logical mathematical framework, and everything was taught with the goal to take the SAT and score well. The scores represented how successful the school was. So everybody cared about these SAT scores. And the standardized test companies were making a lot of money. So we had to do well on our SATs. We had to hire the tutors. We had to be measured by the score. And then we were placed in schools that aligned with however we did. Everything was about these SAT scores. And not only that, it was said and stated that if you score well on these SAT scores, you're smart. And I didn't do well on the SAT scores. So I guess I wasn't smart. And that's where I lived. I lived outside of this box. Because to me, it seemed like everybody did great on their SATs. And there I was feeling so ashamed because I couldn't, not only did I not do well on the SAT scores, the reason I didn't do well is because I didn't learn this in this way. Like it was all about numbers and tons of words and like everything, these word problems. Do you remember those word problems? It was like Mary drove a car with, you know, 10 cases of water in the backseat, and she pulled over, and then 25 more cases came in. Everything was like a math problem, and it was just like this whole thing that was all jumbled up in my head. It wasn't presented in a way that I could really hold on to. Everything was about memorization and repetition. And that just didn't resonate with me. And the same thing went for math. So again, everything was about reading and math, logical, mathematical, and presented in a very specific way, traditional. Okay, so there I was in the classroom, feeling ashamed, not getting it. You know, I didn't fail, but I didn't do great in school. I was like a C plus, B plus kind of student and someone who scored pretty low on their SATs. So I carried this story with me that became my truth. And it was the source of my question around my worthiness, around my value. And it's the very thing that kept me so far away from conversations that I didn't feel I belonged in. It kept me out of social experiences. It kept me out of, you know, auditioning for leadership roles. It kept me out of applying for anything that required a leader because I never thought that I could be a leader if I wasn't smart. So this story was heavy. And I carried it into my late 20s. And in my late 20s, I was dating this guy, ironically, who went to Harvard undergrad and Yale grad. Don't ask. That's a whole other story. But anyway, we were together for several years, and he grew up with the Kennedys. And for those of you that don't know, the Kennedys were in the White House many years ago. And his the son, John F. Kennedy Jr., was a very good friend of my boyfriend's. And we got invited to a dinner with John F. K. Jr. and his wife, Caroline Bissett Kennedy, and my boyfriend at the time and me. They're the four of us. And I was like, no way. My whole body like froze. It wasn't like a no way I'm gonna go. This was like a no way. Like, no way am I going to this thing. Now, at the time, I was so ashamed of my self-doubt. I was so ashamed of who I was that I didn't tell anybody that I was living with a struggle. My family didn't know, my friends didn't know, my boyfriend certainly didn't know. I didn't even know how to explain it. I didn't know what was going on, except that I didn't think that I was smart. So I said no because I was like, there is no way I'm gonna sit there. What the heck am I gonna, you know, offer this guy who's the president's son? No thanks. So I told my boyfriend to go and I stayed back. I was basically like living in his apartment at that time. And I found myself on the floor of the shower, curled up in a ball, so ashamed. Like I can literally feel the moment. I I can feel the moment like I was there. I mean, it was just honestly, it was just awful. I was I felt like I was like naked in every single way. I mean, I was naked physically, but spiritually, emotionally. I just felt so alone and so disappointed at myself for allowing society to define who I was before I could. I was so hijacked out of the truth of me. I was so disconnected from my body, I was so disconnected from who I was, and I just remember feeling like helpless, you know, how am I gonna get out of this? And I was just completely defeated, but there was this presence that came around my body, it was strong, and it said it's time to get up, like get up, and I was just like, what's going on? You know, I didn't really know what to think of this voice, but it was this presence that really grabbed my attention, and the energy was like, get up, like go figure out who you are, you are so much better than this. So I didn't know what I was gonna do, but I knew I had to get up, so I did, and then I found myself in a therapist's office not too long after, and just pouring it all out to her, you know, years of doubt, shame, question, fear, all of it. I mean, there were times in high school where I would leave parties and get sick in the parking lot because I just didn't think that I should be there, especially when that trivia pursuit game showed up on the table. I mean, do you remember that game? That was like insane. You had to know so many facts, so many things about like history and whatever. I mean, whenever that thing, I just remember, my God, it would just get on the table. I remember the box, I remember those cards. Oh my god. Anyway, I would freeze and run, and then I would get sick. And I remember like leaving some dinner parties too in my early 20s, where people were like talking about these things, and I just didn't think my opinions had a place. And I I would go to the bathroom and get sick because I was so anxious. Well, anyway, back to the therapist's office. So I'm shedding all of this and sharing all of this, and then she introduces me to a professor, and this professor shared this body of work that was inspired by professors and scientists and psychologists from Harvard University and other schools as well, that lay out the multiple forms of intelligence. And just that statement, like multiple forms of intelligence, when she told me that there were multiple forms of intelligence. I remember I was sitting in her office and I started bawling. And I was like, how did nobody tell me that there are multiple ways to learn? How did no one tell me that there are multiple ways to teach and to make impact and to express and to live empowered and to like take in knowledge and information? And I just I was so, oh my God, it was a lot, but then I quickly like got excited because I personally aligned with three of the intelligences that were laid out to me. One is kinesthetic, one is emotional, one is somatic. And I'm gonna go into all of those throughout all of these podcasts because here's the thing I want to empower you, I want to awaken this for you, I want to restore this for you and tell you like you are smart, you are intelligent. There are so many forms. This is really important for you to know if you're someone who ever felt unworthy. And when you think about it, why do you feel unworthy? Does it stem back to your sense of intelligence? Does it stem back to that classroom and those SAT scores? You know what? When I started talking about my story, because I didn't until my mid-30s, but once I did, I cannot tell you how many people said, Oh my God, me too. Me too. I also felt so stupid because I didn't do well. And like the stories, it's unbelievable. It's it's really incredible. And you're gonna hear some of those stories on this podcast, which is really exciting. And so I want you to see yourself in these people's stories. I want you to see yourself in my story. I want you to say, oh my gosh, I want to learn about that. So here's what I did. This is exciting. I'm so proud of myself for doing this. And you can do it too, because it's never too late. So I was like, wow, okay, I'm a kinesthetic learner, which basically means that I learn through the body. I need to move information through me. Okay, what does that mean? What does that really look like? So I could make shapes with my body that represented the different states around the country, and just like to make a state with my body and say, oh, that's Massachusetts. Okay, that's California, whatever. It would just like stick because I had this also this emotional connection. So kinesthetic also, uh you're like a visual learner, right? So if you're a visual learner, you're also a kinesthetic learner. So we would draw things out. So let me just tell you this for five years, five years, I would show up at her office with articles, newspaper articles, any kind of article, any kind of book, anything that I wanted to learn about, you name it, politics, healthcare, nutrition. I mean, I remember walking in there and saying, I need to understand how this country really works and what the relationship is like with the countries around the world. Like, explain the branches of government, like all these things that I just needed clarification on. I needed the voids filled because there were so many voids, so many pockets, because there was a lot of information that I just like went over my head when I was younger. So I went in with markers and notebooks, and we just put everything on paper. We created all kinds of fun, you know, visuals that I could hold on to. And then I'd put stuff in my body and I'd also put on music and I'd sing different lessons. Like this was exciting and it was fun. And I held on to information. I started entering all kinds of conversations that I never thought I'd be a part of. And I started feeling empowered and restored and aligned and ready. And it was truly the tipping point for me. It is when everything changed. And it's when I was awoke to my purpose to awaken and to restore the intelligence within so that we can find that confidence to go do what it is we are meant to do in the world. And so I got to share this next part because this is really exciting. Once I started getting aligned and connected to the truth of me and the power of me, I found this organization in New York City that empowered and taught children curriculum through the arts, basically through the body, through poetry, through music, through dance. Curriculum. This wasn't an extracurricular activity after school. This was part of the school. And this organization had partnered with, you know, so many schools in New York City. We're talking reaching thousands of children. So I immediately aligned with this methodology. I mastered it quickly because it's exactly what I needed when I was younger. And I couldn't believe this was out there. And I just decided I don't want any child feeling the way I did. I don't want any human feeling the way I did. I don't want anyone ever questioning their worthiness again. I want everyone to remember the power within them so that they can be who they're meant to be in the world. And so this became my mission. And I taught, and then I became one of the trainers of the organization and started training teachers around the country because that's impactful. I was at first teaching children, and then I needed to train the teachers so they could train the children. That's how I could reach more children. That was a profound journey for me. It was healing because it healed so much of my past, and it was empowering because it empowered me to create impact and help these children and these teachers empower the world. So truly, because it's an international company. So now you just got to hear this next part because this is part of my why, and this is part of why I'm here. And it's the mission that I have and the movement that you are now a part of. So COVID hits the 2020 pandemic and every school that I was working in shut down. The world shut down. We were all home, but we were all afraid and alone and scared and fearful all of the things. And I knew that I could help. I knew I could help because I had gone through my own struggle of disconnection to reconnection. I had learned about all of these forms of intelligence. I had just been on a close to two-decade journey empowering children and teachers through the arts, through this lens of kinesthetic learning, the power of the body and its ability to restore who we are at the core and help us learn and communicate and express and heal through movement. So I started getting on Zoom and I didn't want people to be dancing. I needed to feel their energy. I needed to look into their eyes and try and understand nonverbally and verbally what it was they were experiencing. So again, I didn't know what I was going to do, but I took all of this experience and information and collected it and embodied it and then brought it to these rooms, to these Zoom rooms. And I asked people to embody their emotions with their hands. And so what does that look like? Well, let's say, for example, if somebody was feeling really anxious, they might close their hands, like you know, if you can't see me, it's I'm closing my fists and then I'm shaking them. They're right in front of me and they're shaking. Now that could represent or embody angst. Okay, so this is the example I'm using right now. And then I would guide them into a visualization, and I would ask them to call on a memory, a recent memory, of a time when they felt peaceful and calm. And whether that was a true memory or not, or a made up one, the mind doesn't know the difference. So I guided them into that visualization. So they all of a sudden were starting to shift from that angst and those fists. They saw and then felt because sometimes people need to see something in order to feel it. So they saw and then they felt the calm, the peace. And then I guided them so their hands would then open, their fists would open, their hands would expand, and the energy of anxiety. Would release. This is just one example of hundreds. Because everybody was at home and everyone was looking for something to do, everybody said yes. So I literally saw hundreds, if not thousands, of people in the span of two and a half years, people from every background, every religion, every size, every gender, every everything. And here's what they taught me: that there is a universal language in gesture, that when we feel worry, pain, shame, doubt, all the things limiting, we tend to contract. Our gestures contract. And then when we feel powerful, excited, ready, confident, present, our gestures expand. So this relationship between expansion and contraction became this universal language that I spoke to people around the world. But what I didn't know was why. Why was this practice working? Why was it so profound? Why was the transformation happening? So I went into the research and I found this incredible connection between the brain and the hands. There are approximately 40,000 nerve endings inside of your hands that are on a feedback loop with the brain all day long. All day long, which is why you can shift how you feel in a second. So when we use our hands to connect to the brain, the nervous system calms down. We then have the space to restore our clarity and our confidence to go do what it is we need to do in this world. So I found myself saying, there is so much power in gesture. There is so much power in gesture. And that's what I called it. And that's my practice. The power of gesture awakens and restores your innate intelligence. It restores that voice within you, that wisdom from within, so that you can hear it, learn how to listen to it, trust it, and be led by it. Because let me tell you, there is no better leadership than leading from the inside out. There is no better leadership than leading from within. But in order to lead from within, which means leading from your truth, which means leading authentically, whether it's leading your kids, whether it's leading teams at work, doesn't matter. Self-leadership first. Get to know who you are. Restore that wisdom from within. Restore that innate intelligence that you have that may have been taken from you because of what society defined as smart. And whether that's your story or you have another story into this lack of value or question of your worthiness, we are here on this podcast to restore it for you. I want to reconnect this wisdom, this voice inside of you, so that you can feel confident in your beliefs, in your values, in how you want to lead your life, and then go make the impact that you're meant to make. So it is in this space that I'm going to bring all kinds of stories to you, all kinds of examples of people that have their own connection and relationship to their own worthiness, to their own sense of intelligence and relationship to their body. The body knows. Your body knows your truth. Your body knows more and before your mind does. So I will be introducing and explaining this new concept of body set, because we talk so much about mindset, right? And it's like go back to my early story: mindset, mindset, logical, mathematical. Think your way through everything. There's this, there's this linear path. Well, yes, and yes, that, and there's body set. The body knows your body holds tremendous wisdom. And it is my mission to teach you how to have a relationship with it and really understand the power of it. So that's what we're gonna do here. We are going to connect every single week, and you are gonna hear human stories that awaken the leader that is within you, that's within all of us. And I honestly, I couldn't be more excited and I couldn't feel more honored. So thank you for being here and thank you for being here to hear what the journey looks like and what the intention is. And I love spontaneity, I love not knowing exactly what the path forward is going to be. I just know what the mission is, I know what the intention is, and I know the passion behind all of it. I know what it feels like to struggle. And struggle is good on many levels because it can teach us so many things. But I'm here to keep you on track. I'm here to remind you. You are not alone. You are smart, you are worthy, you have so much value. There's only one you are the one that holds your voice and we need to hear it. The world needs to hear it. I know I do, but I'm ready for it. Okay. See you next week on Wisdom from Within, where human stories awaken the leader within you. Can't wait.